


Chasing Fireflies

by Chelsea072498



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A little bit of angst, F/M, Language, mentions of sex but no actually descriptions, minor characters deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-11 02:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12925170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelsea072498/pseuds/Chelsea072498
Summary: This is a story that takes place before the season 1 storyline. It’s a journey of sorts and a lesson in life for the reader..





	Chasing Fireflies

**Author's Note:**

> Quick Info - This is a story that takes place before the season 1 storyline. It’s a journey of sorts and a lesson in life for the reader..  
> Pairing - DeanxReader  
> Word Count - 3887  
> Warnings - language (Maybe), mentions of sex, but no actually descriptions, a little bit of angst, minor characters deaths  
> A/N This idea came to me and it stuck. I had to write it and I hope you all enjoy it. There’s so much behind this story personally.

**Chasing Fireflies**

 

Your Momma always said that chasing fireflies wasn’t about the catch. It was about the joy you found in the journey. The joy of running around in the grass on a summer night. The laughter when you saw hundreds, sometimes thousands of lightning bugs giving enough light that it didn’t matter if the moon was hidden behind the clouds or not. You never caught one. You never tried. It never occurred to you to do it. Not until you met Dean Winchester…

You open your eyes on your eighth birthday and know something is different. Not just your age, but there’s a feeling in the air you’ve never felt before. You kick your sheet off and get dressed. You giggle when you see the shirt your cousin got you. Navy blue with little yellow fireflies. That’s your favorite part of staying with Memaw and Pops. Chasing the fireflies.

When you walk into the kitchen, Memaw is at the stove with your older cousin, Judy. Pops is sitting at the smaller kitchen table with two men and two little boys.

“Well, the birthday girl has decided to join us, Memaw.” Pops smiles at you. “Happy Birthday, (Y/N/N)!”

Judy grabs you. “Happy Birthday!”

Memaw kisses your cheek. “That’s from your Momma. She’s going to call tonight.”

All eyes move to her, but no one says anything.

“(Y/N), these are my friends, John and Bobby. This is Dean and Sam.” Pops says. “The boys are going to be staying here for awhile. I’ve got business with John and Bobby.” He sees your face. “We aren’t leaving today.”

“It’s your birthday?” The younger of the two asks.

You smile. “I’m eight!”

“I’m six!” He says. He’s missing a few teeth. “Dean’s ten. Happy Birthday!”

“Thank you.” You look at Dean. He’s staring straight ahead. He looks really mad. “Hi, Dean.” You decide to try.

“Hey.” He says.

“Do you like swimming?” You ask him.

He looks at you, confused. “Huh?”

“We’re going to walk down to the creek and swim later. Do you and Sam want to come?” You see Judy’s eyes. She slowly smiles and nudges Memaw. Memaw looks and shakes her head.

You swear you hear her mumble, “We aren’t ready for this…”

“Dad, can we go swimming?”

John nods. He’s looking through something Pops handed him after you came into the kitchen.

“We’re all going.” Memaw says from the stove. “Everyone of us. We’re going down to the creek, whoever wants to can swim, and then the kids can chase lightning bugs.”

Dean and Sam look at each other. You aren’t sure what they said, but they said it to each other, silently. You are a little jealous. You don’t have any brothers or sisters. Daddy once said you weren’t even suppose to be born. Dean finally speaks up.

“That sounds fun.” He says.

“We haven’t been swimming all summer!” Sam says. “We’ve been too busy traveling for Dad to work.”

Memaw shakes her head as she starts putting plates at everyone’s seats. “Well, that’s not good! Judy and (Y/N) swim everyday. Sometimes twice a day. No point in having a creek if no one swims in it, right?”

Judy starts putting food on the table. “There’s a rope swing. Jimmy’s coming, by the way.”  
“Who’s that?” Sam asks.

“Sammy.” Dean gives him the same look your momma gives you when she doesn’t like the way you ask a question.

“He’s my boyfriend.” Judy says.

You all eat while the men talk about different topics that bore you. You keep looking up to see the green eyed boys across from you staring at you. You smile, he looks away. After everyone has eaten, you take the plates to the sink, but Memaw stops you.

“Oh, no, Buttercup! You don’t do dishes today!” She pops your bottom. “Go get your stuff ready. We’ll go down the creek for a few hours now and then I have a special dinner planned for you!”

Swimming with the Winchester boys is more fun than you remember having in awhile. You learn their last name and are impressed. You tell them that it sounds like a really important name. Sam smiles at the compliment and Dean shakes his head. Jimmy and Judy help all three of you swing from the rope. You are all disappointed to be called out of the water, but you know it’ll be worth it.

After a quick lunch, Judy and Jimmy took you and the boys outside to play until dinner. You know the adults are talking about business. You know their business is secret and you aren’t allowed to tell anyone there’s a business. You see Dean look toward the house and ask him what’s wrong.

“I just want to know what they’re talking about. They treat us like kids.”

You’re surprised by his comment. “We are kids.”

“Not really.” He says. You don’t understand what he’s said, but you will.

Memaw loves any opportunity to cook and she treats birthdays like Christmas. There’s so much food at dinner, you don’t know where to start. Everyone enjoys the meal, and then a piece of cake after singing happy birthday to you. Memaw finally gives you a few presents to open and you thank everyone for such a fun day.

“Can we go outside now?” You ask. “Can we take Sam and Dean to the field?”

Memaw and Judy share a smile. “It is dark enough. Go on. We’ll be out there in a few minutes.”

“Come on! You’ll love this!” You lead the boys outside and start running. They call your name, trying to catch up to you. You are so excited, you can’t wait for them. This is your favorite time of day at Memaw and Pops. This is your Momma’s favorite time of day too.

You make it through the clearing and smile. Everywhere you look, fireflies. You start running around, giggling, never catching them, but getting so close.

“What are these things?!” Dean asks, his grip on Sam tight.

“Lightning bugs! Fireflies I think you people from the north call ‘em.” You tell him. “You chase them!”  
“Let’s catch one!” Sam says.

Dean smiles. “Okay, Sammy!”

“I don’t…” you start to tell them, but they’re already running around. You start running with them. None of you see the adults and Judy watching, all smiling.

“I got one!” Dean says.

You run over and peak through his fingers. “I never catch them.”

“Why not?”

“I just never have.” You look at him. “Will you let it go?”

“But…”

“They’re suppose to be free.” You look around. “We don’t catch them. We just chase them.”

Dean and Sam look at each other, shrug, and let it go. You laugh and start chasing the fireflies again. You forgot the boys are out there until you run into Dean.

“I’m sorry.” You don’t want your new friend mad at you.

He laughs. “This is fun!”

“This is my favorite thing to do.”

“It is?” Dean gives you another look. “You’re a strange kid.”

“Thank you.” You smile. “Momma says that I need to embrace my weird.”

He shakes his head and helps you up. Once standing, you’re off and running again.

“You know,” Pops leans in and whispers to John. “We may be seeing the beginning of something….”

“Don’t start,” John warns. “They’re just kids.”

“Then start treatin’ them boys like it.” Memaw tells him. “Don’t you worry. They’ll have fun. Let them have a couple of weeks in the country. We’ll fatten them up, give them some stories, and maybe you’ll bring 'em back every once in awhile.”

It’s several weeks later before John, Bobby, and Pops return. You see the cars pull up and see her.

“Momma!” You scream and race to her.

“Oh, Baby!” She grabs you. She kisses the top of your head and holds you tight. “Oh, I missed you.”

“Momma, I missed you so much!” You look toward the car. “Where’s Daddy?”

Pops looks at John and Bobby. “Take her on inside, Christine. Memaw knows. I called last night.”

“Thanks, Grandpa.” Momma never called him Pops. She said that was reserved for the great grandchildren.

Your father died. Momma never gives you details, but you’ll learn what happened years later, from Dean. You feel numb. You don’t know if crying is okay. You love your Daddy, but he was mean sometimes. Real mean to your Momma. You know she’ll miss him. You will too. You wonder if things might be better for Momma now.

“(Y/N/N)?” Dean and Sam are in the doorway.

“Come on, boys,” Memaw waved them in. “This is Christine, (Y/N)’s Momma.”

“Hi, boys,” Momma looks at them with a soft smile. “John’s told me a lot about the two of you.”

“Are you okay?” Sam takes your hand and sits next to you.

“My Daddy died.”

Dean sits on the other side and wraps an arm around you. You lean your head on his shoulder.

“I’m here, (Y/N).” he tells you.

“I just….” you look at the window. “I want to go outside.” You jump up and run before anyone can stop you.

You run to the clearing and you see the fireflies. You stand in the middle of them with your eyes closed. You hear footsteps and expect Momma, but it’s not her.

“Hey, let’s do something different.” Dean holds up a Mason jar. “Memaw told me that you catch a bunch of fireflies….”  
“I don’t like catching them, Dean.” You remind him.

“Just this once.” He says. You watch him chase the fireflies and catch several in the jar. He puts the lid on and motions for you to follow. You do, but you don’t understand why Dean is so fascinated with catching things.

He leads you away from the clearing, to a spot that’s dark. He holds the jar up and you see his smile from the light of the bugs.

“Catching them doesn’t have to be bad, (Y/N).”

“But they don’t want to be caught, Dean. They want to be free.”

He looks into your eyes and nods. He says nothing but unscrews the lids and lets the fireflies go. He takes your head and together you walk back to the house.

The next morning, you wave as the Winchesters and Bobby leave. You lean against Momma, try not to cry, and think about the weeks you had with your two best friends. You think about something else and giggle.

“What’s so funny?” Momma asks.

“One day, I’m going to kiss Dean Winchester in the clearing with all the fireflies around us.”

Momma shakes her head. “You are too young to be thinking about that kind of thing!”

“I won’t be young forever.”

~*~

Years have passed since that summer. You have seen the Winchesters many times since then. The boys have stayed whenever John has had a hunt in the south and he didn’t want the boys to be in danger. You learned before your ninth birthday what the 'business’ is. Hunting. Monsters. You learned the hard way. A werewolf came for Pops. Memaw put it down with a silver bullet. Momma, Judy, and Memaw had no choice but to tell you everything.

It’s the summer of your sixteenth birthday. Three days until the big day. You know they’re coming. Dean called and promised. You hear the Impala and run outside. As soon as he opens the door and gets out of the car, you’re in his arms.

“Hey! (Y/N)!” Dean laughs and spins you around. It’s been almost two years since you’ve seen him. Sam has come a few times, but Dean went off on his own for awhile and John hunted north for a while. “Let me look at you!”

“You’re taller!” You laugh.

“You’re shorter.” He winks.

“Hey, Sammy!” You give him a hug. “I’ve got books you might like…”

“He can read. You and I got something to do.” Dean told you.

“What?”

“You’ll see.”

Memaw comes outside, slowly now that she’s using a cane. “Are those my boys?” She calls out.

Sam and Dean run to give her a hug and she insists they come inside and eat. Memaw is pushing 94, but she won’t stop, no matter what you and Momma say to her.

Dinner is exciting and lively. Momma listens as Dean tells her about their last ghost hunt. You watch his every move, memorize every freckle. He sees you looking at him and smiles. You rush through helping with the dishes and make sure Sam has a book. Dean grabs you and pulls you outside.

“It’s been awhile, but not that long.” He says. “Let’s go!”

You take off running, laughing as he tries to catch up with you. No one can outrun you. Momma tells you that’s a good thing. She says that you may need to get away one day and running may be what saves you.

You make it to the clearing and Dean catches up with you a few seconds later. “They knew we were coming.”

You walk to the middle of the clearing, spread your arms and spin. Dean grabs your hand, but you end up falling, pulling him on top of you. The two of you laugh for several minutes before he pushes a piece of hair from your eyes and gently moves his lips to yours.

You move your hands to his face, gently stroking his cheeks. His tongue slowly pushes your lips apart and you can’t help but smile as Dean Winchester gives you what you’ve wanted for eight years.

“What’s that smile for?” He asks. He’s smiling too. You love when Dean really smiles. You know the difference between his 'fake it so no one knows’ smiles and his genuine smiles.

You look into the beautiful green eyes you’ve loved for so long and confessed what you’d told Momma the night they left all those years ago.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you in this place for eight years, Dean Winchester. I wanted my first kiss to be with you.”

He sits up slowly, bringing you with him. “Sweetheart, that’s…”

“That’s what?”

He smiles again. “Of all the guys in the world, you wanted me to be your first kiss?”

“I love you, Dean.” You say the words before you can stop yourself. “I…I mean…I do, but I didn’t mean….”

He leans in and kisses you again. “I love you, too.” Dean whispers. “How about we make this official on your birthday? I’m pretty sure Memaw and Christine will be good with it but I have something planned for that night.”

Dean takes you on your first date on your birthday. A movie and then out to your clearing. You lay in the grass for hours, watching the fireflies, and talking. Dean and Sam stay for almost a week before John pulls up and demands they get moving. Memaw demands that John give the boys one more night. She reminds him that she’s an old lady and she’s been cooking chicken and dumplings all day.

He agrees and after dinner, Sam and Memaw distract him long enough for you and Dean to sneak out to the clearing one last time.

“I’m going with you one day,” You tell him.

Dean shakes his head. “(Y/N/N), it’s not safe. I need you to stay here, stay safe, and I’ll come. I’ll come whenever I can.”

He keeps his promise. He calls twice a day, he comes, even if it’s just for a night, and eventually, after a fight with John, he brings Sammy and they stay a month until he and John work through the fight.

“I don’t want to go, Baby, but….”

You kiss him. “I understand, Dean. You’ll be back.”

Your eighteenth birthday was bittersweet. Memaw passed a few months before and Momma is having a hard time with the tenth anniversary of Daddy’s death. You know Dean’s coming. He called that morning.

When he pulls in at nine that night, he’s apologetic and panicked. “I had a flat tire in the middle of nowhere! I’m so sorry!”

“You’re here!” You waste no time and grab his hand. “Let’s go.”

The clearing is perfect, as always. The two of you run around, laughing, chasing, and finally, he grabs you and kisses you.

You feel it’s different this time. You know it’s different. He does too.

“I love you,” you tell him.

“I love you so much.” He says.

“Dean, I want you. Tonight.”

He closes his eyes. “Baby, I want you. I just want to make sure you really want this. Once we go there, you can’t go back.”

Your answer is a kiss that leads to Dean gently, softly, lovingly taking your virginity in the clearing the two of you long claimed as your own. He’s patient, so careful with everything he does. You know that whatever happens, you’ll never have this again. You’ll never have another moment as precious with anyone else as what you and Dean share in that clearing the night you turn eighteen.

He comes and goes as he can. You’ve accepted that. That’s the way Dean lives. It’s the way John’s taught him to live. When he’s with you, he’s attentive, he’s loving, he’s yours. His phone calls become distant though. He’s distracted.

When he’s with you, you give him everything. Especially when you see he’s starting to pull away. You question yourself. You question his love. You finally ask him and he breaks down and tells you he’s scared.

“I’ve seen so much more than you have and I never want you to see any of that. I’m worried that I can’t have it both ways!”

“You can!” you tell him. “Dean, you can have it.”

It’s hard, but somehow you convince yourself it’s working. It’s not. Dean loves you. You now that. There’s no doubt he loves you. He confesses that he’s scared. He’s scared that he’s not going to be the man you need.

It isn’t until he’s on a hunt with John in Ohio that you decide you’re going to ignore everything he’s ever said to you. You hop in your truck and you start driving. You pull into the small college town and pull out your phone to call him. You know he won’t be happy. You know he’ll be upset you drove all the way there alone.

You needed to see him. Something in you has been screaming for days that you need to get to Dean. Just as you dial his phone number, you look up and see him walk out of a bar. You get out of the truck, but freeze.

Dean isn’t alone.

He’s smiling. He’s laughing. He’s holding her close. He leans in to kiss her.

When he pulls away, he sees you. His face falls. The girl with him turns around, but he pulls her in the opposite direction. He glances back, once, but you’re already pulling away.

You drive all the way back home, stopping for gas when you have to. Momma’s on her own hunt so you’re alone. When it gets dark, you walk to your clearing. For the first time, you’re holding a Mason jar and you’re going to catch a firefly.

You chase them around and manage to gather several before putting the lid on the jar. You hold it up and your heart breaks. They’re suppose to be free. They’re suppose to spread their light for everyone, not just you.

You smile as you free them, dropping the jar on the ground. You take a deep breath, turn around, and see him.

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry, Sweetheart. I am so sorry.”

You walk to Dean and touch his face. He doesn’t expect the kiss. You pull away and look into his eyes.

“I finally understand something. I never wanted to catch the fireflies because they didn’t want to be caught. They need to be free to do their thing and be out in the world.” You smile at him. “Like you.”

“What?”

“You’re my caught firefly and it’s time I let you go.” You bite you lip. “I love you, Dean Winchester. I always will. I love you enough to know and understand that this little bubble I live in here is nothing compared to the world out there. The world that you spend everyday protecting from real monsters.”

“I love you.”

“I know,” You tell him. “I know you love me, Dean. I know that we’ve had a lot of time together and I’m never going to forget any of it.” You take his hands in yours. “You can’t be caught, Dean. You just can’t. You have to be free to do what you do.”

He looks at you, his eyes threatening tears. “I know I screwed up…”

“You made a mistake. I forgive you.” You kiss his cheek. “I’ll always be here for you. No matter what. We’ll always have this clearing and all the beautiful memories we made together.”

“I don’t think there’ll ever be anyone else like you.” Dean touches your cheek. “Come with me. I’ll teach you. I’ll protect you.”

“I can’t catch you, Dean.” You tell him. “You don’t really want to be caught.”

“I don’t want to be without you.”

You give him one last kiss. “I’ll always be in your heart. I’ll always be here. You are always welcome in my home. We needed each other for a long time, I think. We need each other in different ways now. We need each other as friends.”

He hugs you. “I won’t be back for awhile, (Y/N/N). I’m not just going to be able to be around you…”

“I understand. It’s not going to be easy, but we need this. You’re too important to be tied down and committed to one person right now. Maybe once you and John get this monster stuff under control, things will be different.”

“Maybe.” He kisses the top of your head. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I’ll miss the hell out of you.”

“I’ll miss you.” You blow him a kiss as he reluctantly leaves. You wipe the tears from your eyes and once he’s out of sight, you look up to the sky and smile. You caught a firefly years ago and didn’t realize it until that night. You let him go. If it’s meant to be, he may come back. In the end, his light is needed elsewhere. You are surprised that you can accept this.

Your Momma always said that chasing fireflies wasn’t about the catch. It was about the joy you found in the journey. The joy of running around in the grass on a summer night. The laughter when you saw hundreds, sometimes thousands of lightning bugs giving enough light that it didn’t matter if the moon was hidden behind the clouds or not. You never caught one. You never tried. It never occurred to you to do it. Not until you met Dean Winchester. 

You caught him. You tried to keep him in a jar, but eventually, he had to be set free. Your firefly is free, his light able to shine everywhere it’s needed.You had your joy and laughter in the journey. You also know it’s time for this journey to end and a new one to begin.

Little do you know just how much Dean Winchester is really needed


End file.
